


Too Pure

by silver_drip



Series: Harry Potter Drabbles and Shorts [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Humor, Severus Snape Lives, Surprise Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: Ron teases Harry about his animagus form, but Harry gets the last laugh.
Series: Harry Potter Drabbles and Shorts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016179
Comments: 34
Kudos: 110





	Too Pure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HouseOfSnarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseOfSnarry/gifts).



* * *

It had been a brilliant idea, as most of Hermione’s were. She said it would be a perfect tribute to his father and Sirius, becoming animagi. Harry had hoped, if only to himself, that he would be a stag, just like his father. 

He did end up with hooves, four legs, and antlers—Well, only one antler. It was a horn, but since it was shed annually it was technically an antler— 

Harry took a hearty drink of his whiskey. 

They were supposed to be having celebratory drinks...

But Ron was laughing his arse off and Harry just wanted to call it a night. 

“It’s not so bad, Harry,” Hermione tried to comfort him, giving his hand a pat from across the table. 

“Easy for you to say,” Harry grumbled. “You’re a bloody occamy.” She looked regal as a winged serpent, even with the blue mane reflecting her voluminous hair.

“Why are you whining?” Ron had a shit eating grin on as he leaned back in their booth at the pub. “I have such a mundane form.” 

“Don’t be like that, Ron. Badgers have a rich wizarding history.” Hermione leaned against him and his arm naturally went around her shoulders. 

“Yeah, but Hufflepuff…” he said as if that explained everything. “Harry, did you know,” Harry groaned, having heard this five times already, “unicorns only appear to virgins? Maybe if you finally got—”

Harry hissed at him to be quiet. It was nobody's business that he was a virgin. He decided to turn the tables. “Hermione, Ron went straight to me after you lost your virginity together and gave me all the details!”

“Ron!” Hermione’s voice was strained with indignation. 

“That’s low, mate.” Ron turned to his girlfriend and tried to placate her.

Harry stared deep into his glass. When the news got out that his animagus form was a unicorn, because he wasn’t going to go unregistered like Sirius and his father had, it would be all over the papers. 

_The Man Who Conquered, a Virgin? Turn to page 6 and find out!_

And Skeeter had finally registered so it’s not like he had any say in the articles she lampooned him with.

A bloody unicorn, of all the things to be. 

“Merlin, Harry, you’re a virgin and a unicorn? You must be so _horny!”_

“That’s it!” Harry slammed back his drink and stood. “I'm going to take home the next single person that walks in!” Surely his form would change when he was no longer a virgin. 

Hermione sighed while pinching the bridge of her nose. “There’s no need for that, Harry. And Ron, stop teasing him. We did something so few wizards and witches have the self-control to do. We should be celebrating.” 

Harry was about to sit down when the door to the pub opened, a familiar face catching his attention. 

Harry’s smile turned wicked. “I can’t go back on my word.” He gestured with his chin to who had just walked through the door. Ron’s alcohol warmed face lost all it’s color.

“Harry—No! You can’t sleep with, _Snape!”_ Ron hissed out his name. 

“No, I’m gonna.” Harry undid the top button off his shirt and stepped out of Ron’s range when he tried to grab him. “You brought this one to yourself.” He lowered his voice. “You told me in detail about your first time, so I’ll do the same to you.” 

“Harry, don’t! I’m sorry! I was just teasing!” He tried to get up, but Hermione trapped him in the booth while snickering. 

“Turn-about is fair play,” Harry called over his shoulder. Ron’s distressed noise was music to his ears.

Harry took in a deep breath, heading towards the man who once made him miserable. Snape’s eyes were unreadable. “Profes—I mean, Severus,” Harry steeled his resolve, “what do you think about revenge sex?”

Harry was prepared for a disgusted refusal, a berating, not— 

“Mr. Potter,” his lips twisted into something wicked, “I do believe that is the first good idea you’ve ever had.” 


End file.
